Help if you want to stop

Many perpetrators of domestic abuse constantly put the blame on their partner but the only person who is responsible for your actions is yourself. The time to get help is now – not to keep putting it off or denying that you need help.

Perpetrators of domestic abuse have to want to get help for themselves, to be prepared to work hard and to face up to what they have done and the damage caused to their partner and also any children which may be involved in the relationship.

To be able to take responsibility for your actions and to stop blaming others takes strength and courage. If you are a perpetrator of domestic abuse you can choose what kind of person you want to be. There are agencies who can provide workshops and support to help you to stop this cycle of abuse.

If you want to stop call the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040 to get help to stop.  The Respect Phoneline is a confidential helpline, email and webchat service for perpetrators of domestic violence looking for help to stop.  They help male and female perpetrators, in heterosexual  or same-sex relationships. Partners or ex-partners of perpetrators, as well as concerned friends and family members.  Lines are open Monday-Friday 9 am – 5 pm.  It is free from landlines and most mobile phones, your call will not appear on your phone bill statement.

To prevent the cycle of abuse from repeating itself, here are some immediate ways to cool down:

Leave the scene

No matter what the situation is – LEAVE! Go somewhere safe and peaceful to calm down, collect your thoughts, and consider the consequences of your actions.

Slow down – cool down

Hold back, restrict yourself from committing violent actions.  Be in control of your actions positively. Take a brisk walk, listen to music, or exercise.


Talk to someone outside of the situation, such as a counsellor at a help line. Tell them that you need to cool down and that it helps to have someone to listen to you.

Tell a friend

Tell a friend you trust what you are doing to slow down and cool down. Remember that alcohol and drugs get in the way of making responsible decisions.

Get help

Take responsibility for changing your own behaviour.  Make contact with a group or service who may be able to assist you.  Call the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040 to get advice or visit the Respect website > 

Solace’s See Change Programme

We aim to increase safety for victims and children by supporting men in changing their behaviour, addressing their own experiences of masculinity, and helping them to become accountable and responsible for their behaviours. We offer a 26-week group-based intervention based upon the “Three Pillar Model” of intervention that seeks to address Risk, Understanding and Behaviour Change through a psycho-educative approach.

For more information or to make a self- referral please download the See Change Programme Information Leaflet below:

Solace See Change Information PDF Download

Self-referrals can be made on 07717 651 465.